Tuesday 31 October 2017 14:16, UK
Sky Sports presenter Alex Payne is growing a moustache next month to raise awareness for men's health, and will be joined in the venture by pundits Scott Quinnell and Sean Fitzpatrick.
The trio will be on our screens for the November internationals, so those viewing throughout the month will be treated to steadily growing facial hair in the name of a good cause - though Payne is not betting on boasting the most prominent fur of the group.
"I'm not expecting a walrus," said Payne. "If I can produce anything at all that will be a success, but I'm expecting more Salvador Dali than Lemmy from Motorhead."
The presenter says he has never grown a moustache before, so despite being on the back foot against his colleagues he feels he has the element of surprise on his side.
"There always has to be the butt of the jokes, and I'm aware that in a world full of alpha males such as the line-up that is selected - Max Rushden aside of course - I am the punchline of this gag, which is very familiar territory.
"There is an element of the unknown as I step into this great challenge, and the opportunity is there to shock the world."
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"Men's health is something that a lot of people don't talk about enough. New Zealand is a classic example - for years nobody spoke about it, but recently there have been sportsmen and other high-profile people who have spoken out about it which is great. They've come out to say that it's ok to go to the doctor and it's ok to talk about depression - mental health is important."
The leaders
Quinnell believes there is good reason Payne has never had a moustache.
"Every time he grows one it falls off when the wind blows," said the former Wales international. "Or he's walked past a kitten and had it licked off.
"I think Alex will have a great moustache by the end of November, but it will mostly be made up of black marker."
Fitzpatrick said that Payne's moustache might need a little more time in the cocoon than the others.
"I reckon if Alex starts growing one now, then by November 2019 he might have something we could see," said the former All Black.
Meanwhile, Payne has backed Quinnell to do the rugby community proud in the challenge, and says Fitzpatrick won't be far behind.
"Scott Quinnell shaves three times a day so he's an obvious front-runner," said Payne. "And Fitzy is about as alpha male as it gets so I expect him to have probably quite a refined moustache - I think the silver hair helps as well."
However, Quinnell says it is Fitzpatrick who has the advantage out of the three: "Kiwis can grow a moustache overnight. When you watch Super Rugby the guys start a game clean shaven, then come out for the second half with a full beard. Fitzy could be the surprise package next month."
The competition
Also taking part in Movember are Paul Merson and Max Rushden, and while Payne had no complaints about being called 'baby-faced' by Rushden in an article published last week, he is expecting his rugby team-mates to out-grow their football counterparts next month.
"I can't really argue with that," said Payne of Rushden's comments. "There is a fair amount of Botox and make-up that makes me look this young.
"I am very happy to take the mantle of baby-faced assassin in the hope that people underestimate me, and then from absolutely nowhere and with no prior success, I produce the biggest and bushiest moustache that mankind has ever seen and stun a few people along the way.
"I imagine Merson will have quite a lot of stubble all over the place and just let the top lip grow more than the rest.
"Actually I think Merson and Rushden will be quite similarly capable, but Scotty will be the front-runner from our department - and Fitzy a cultured second lieutenant."
Quinnell was not similarly convinced Merson will offer much of a bouquet of whiskers by the end of the month.
"These footballers talk too much; their top lip never stays still long enough to allow anything to grow," said the former Lion.
"Mind you, Rushden's hair was growing visibly when we last met, so I think he will be up there. He will probably develop something out of a Clint Eastwood film."
The experience
Fitzpatrick says his only experience in growing a moustache in the name of this cause.
"I've only ever had one when I've done Movember - I'm not much of a Tom Selleck fan. Although in mentioning Selleck, I must admit that Mark Spitz epitomises for me what a moustache is all about."
Unlike his Kiwi colleague, former back rower Quinnell is well versed in facial foliage.
"When I used to play I would grow a beard during the week and then on game day I would shave it into a goatee. Every week my wife would tell me I look like the devil and make me shave it off before we went out on the Saturday night.
"This is for a good cause though, so there will be no arguments this time around."
Payne was in agreement that the awareness raised was enough to put aside his clean-shaven past.
"It's not going to be pretty but it is a good cause and for that reason I will be very committed to trying to get as much facial furniture onto my head as possible."
Fitzpatrick said it was important to put a spotlight on issues regarding men's physical and mental health.
"Men's health is something that a lot of people don't talk about enough," said Fitzpatrick. "New Zealand is a classic example - for years nobody spoke about it, but recently there have been sportsmen and other high-profile people who have spoken out about it which is great.
"They've come out to say that it's ok to go to the doctor and it's ok to talk about depression - mental health is important."
