Thursday 28 April 2016 14:43, UK
What is it about England summer tours to the other side of the equator? They start off in hope, with a smattering of trepidation, and end up, for the most part, in embarrassing failure.
Since that night of nights in Sydney in 2003 when England reached their pinnacle, no fewer than 17 Test matches have been contested away to the "big three".
In all that time, amid all that endeavour and pain, the chaps with the red roses on their jerseys have managed to come up with just one win and a draw.
Martin Johnson's tourists squeaked past Australia in Sydney in 2010, beating the Wallabies 21-20. Two year later, Stuart Lancaster's men drew 14-14 in Port Elizabeth against South Africa.
The same old excuses get wheeled out every time. England are knackered after a long, hard season. Too many of their first-choice players have been knocking seven bells out of each other in big domestic finals. They've flown through eleven time zones and haven't had enough time to prepare.
This year, however, I truly believe things will be different.
For a start, the Aussies are almost certainly going to be missing a number of their big stars from the World Cup. Michael Chekika has said he's unlikely to pick players who are based in France. That means the following ought to be unavailable: Matt Giteau, Adam Ashley-Cooper, Drew Mitchell, Will Genia and the prop Sekope Kepu, who was instrumental in helping to turn the Australian scrum into such a potent force last autumn.
Meanwhile, back in Oz, World Cup openside Michael Hooper has been ranked as only the fifth best No 7 in the country by former national coach Bob Dwyer. Furthermore, apart from the Melbourne Rebels, the other Aussie franchises are not exactly dazzling anyone at the moment in Super Rugby.
England, on the other hand, are in a very good place. They are champions of the northern hemisphere and had three sides in the semi-finals of the Champions Cup. Sarries could yet win the thing.
Talking of Saracens, England also possess arguably the best second row in the northern hemisphere in Maro Itoje and George Kruis. Their No 8 Billy Vunipola just missed out on being chosen as the Six Nations player of the tournament.
Oh yeah, and at Leicester Manu Tuilagi is back to full fitness and scattering opponents about the park like skittles in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
England are also in a good place psychologically thanks to Eddie Jones. He clearly knows the right buttons to press and how make the most of England's traditional strengths. In all my time of watching training, I have also never seen the guys pushed as hard as they were in February and March.
Jones has also spoken about wanting to go back to his native land and emulate the England cricketers on the Ashes tour of 1932/33. That was the notorious "Bodyline Series" when Douglas Jardine and co. set about battering Don Bradman out of his comfort zone. Eighty three years later, Jones wants England to be ruthless up front, to earn the right to spread the ball and play rugby.
You may accuse me of being unduly optimistic, or for having partied too hard with Martin Castrogiovanni in Vegas, but I believe England can be really competitive in the forthcoming three Test series.
A lot will depend on the injury count at the business end of the season, and whether or not we get any more acts of gross stupidity to trouble the disciplinarians, but it could be that England are about to add some long overdue victories to that solitary win in 17 attempts since their World Cup triumph.
Watch England's tour to Australia on Sky Sports. Catch the first Test for £6.99 with a NOW TV day pass.
